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- Rank and Position
- Executive Director of Boils and Other Purulent Lesions
- Crimes Against Department
- Removes non-ingrown toenails at Well Child Checks for "the fun of it"
- Attempting to breed genetically superior hybrid race of super-human mixed-gender Asian-American whiz-kids
- Apprehended
- At County Registrar's office, obtaining application to legally change name to "Soo, Mother of All Battles"
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